I want to trust you. I want to believe that I’m the only female that you’re talking to or interested in. But truthfully, I don’t; I can’t trust you and I can’t believe that it’s just me until you give me reasoning to believe that. If you really wanted me, you wouldn’t be afraid to commit to me; you would be dating me right now. And as sad as it makes me knowing that you don’t want that right now, I’m not going to push you, I’m not going to try and five you to feel something that you can’t. I won’t force you to see me. If you really wanted me, you would want to see me this weekend. I’m really tempted to just tell you to find someone else to watch the dog when you’re in Vegas because why should I do you a favor? Why should I miss five days of work because you’re out having the time of your life? All I want is to have someone to come home to after work. Someone to hold me and let me cry after I’ve had a really bad day. Someone that will turn those tears into smiles and laughter. I want to be with someone that just as afraid of losing me as I am of losing them. I just feel like that’s never going to happen and I’m stuck watching everyone else in my life be so happy and I have to do this all alone. It’s getting old. No matter what I will always love you and nothing can ever change that as much as I want it to.

Right now

I don’t know where I stand with you and that bothers me. You’re ignoring me and honestly if all you want from me is sex and to watch your dog, call up your hoe from Florida because that’s not going to be me. You have her as your background on your phone. In the three years we were together I was never that important. Guess I already know where I stand with you without asking, it would be nice for you to actually not hide me and to want me after all this time

I don’t understand

A lot of things right now.
Why I still have feelings for someone who has done nothing but lie to me
Why I have all these shitty things keep happening to me
Why I can’t just for once have someone hold me and tell me it’s all going to be okay

But let’s just face it, I just have to sit here and be strong because “I’m a strong person and I’ve gotten through so much”. Fuck that, everyone has a breaking point and I’m one straw away from mine

I wish that just for once that you could be honest that’s all I want from you. So much for your promise of not falling off the face of the earth again. Guess I just got James’d again